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Beef House (Late-Eighties-Vein)
Yes? Yeah, this is Randy over at UPS. ''' Yeah. '''Yeah... I need, ah... Hello, sir. Well, we got 450-pound peacock coming to you. Peacock meat, it says. And we need certified funds in the amount of $1,825. I have no idea where that - what that is. Peacock. It's a bird, a fowl or somethin'. ''' I know, but not for me. Who's the shipper? '''Peacock Hut. No. Lithuania. Oh, yeah. ' No. I'm telling you, no. '''Well, I'm you I'm lookin' right at the label, and I'm readin' it to you. ' I'm telling you, it ain't for me. '''Well, I need certified funds. Well, that's fine, but I'm not the buyer and I didn't buy it. So it ain't for me. So whatever it is, send it back. Well, I'm lookin' at the label. Okay. And I need directions, and I need certified funds. That's about it. ' Okay, well let me start over for ya. You're not getting certified funds, I didn't buy it, it's not mine, I don't want it, so don't bring it over here. '''Well, I'll just come over directly and pick up the check, cashier's check. ' You're not getting anything, buddy. So what do you think of that? 'I think maybe I need to get the district attorney down there. ' Well, that's fine. Why don't you go get the district - I tell you what, why don't you get a Denver police officer and bring him over here, and bring him over here, and you and I'll dance? '''I can do that. That'd be fine. See you in a bit. I can be there in 15 minutes... I'll be right here. The door's open, come on in. I need a cashier's check. We don't write cashier's checks here. Well, cash, or... You don't get anything. We could... I didn't buy anything, pal. I can have a driver take you to your bank and withdraw the funds. ' You know what, why don't ''you come down here and take me to my bank? 'I'll do it. ' Come on down. What's your name? '''Roy. And you work for who? UPS. United Postal Service? United ''Parcel ''Service. United Parcel. Come on over. We'll be here. We'll here 'till five. But you're not gettin' anything, and I didn't order anything from Lithuania. Oh, you sure did. Really don't have a whole lot of time for your song and dance. ''' First off...I have no idea who shipped me whatever it is in that box. And it's from where? Lithuania? '''I don't believe that, first and foremost. Well, first off, I don't believe you work for UPS. Most certainly do, 17 years. Great. Well...are you the boss? Is there somebody else I should talk to? I'm on the dock, I'm the only one on the dock. Okay, well, you know what? Stay on the dock. Why don't you come down ''to ''the dock? There's nothing for me there, Roy. What are you lookin' for? Are you lookin' for me to come down there and kick your ass, or what are we doin' here? Well, I'll take care of you... I got a business to run. You got something for me, bring it over here. I'm not receiving it, I'm not giving you a fuckin' dime, and I didn't buy anything from fuckin' Lithuania. So do me a favor, and stick it up your ass. And if you're really upset about it, come on over here! You don't even know where I fuckin' am! I'll bring my elbow down there, to your jaw. I don't give a fuck what you do, pal. I'm tryin' to do my job, and you're makin' that real difficult. ''' Okay, let me tell you something; find your supervisor. Is there a supervisor? '''Yeah. Have him call me. We'll do a conference call. You, and him, and me. I don't buy from Lithuania, I don't buy peacock meat, and I ain't gonna write anybody a fucking check, and I don't write checks here, anyway. So, anything I have shipped in here, and I use...and now I know why I use FedEx, I have an account set up for it! I'll take...I'll come up in my Humvee, we'll go to the bank, we'll withdraw cash. ' You ain't gettin' shit, pal. '''Well, come off of it! You ordered the meat, this is a meat ''house! ''' Yeah, so what? '''I've worked here for 17 years. Great. I've been here for 23, so what fuckin' big deal are you? We need to get physical, we'll do it. ' What's that? Get physical with what? '''With you! ' What... 'I don't like your tone, and I'm trying to do my - my frickin' job. ' Okay, you work for UPS and you're driving a Humvee? '''I drive a Humvee, yeah. Great. Worked hard for it. Good. Do you like it? You're not gonna like it when you're layin' in the back, goin' to the clinic. ' So...you really have a box of fucking peacock meat? You're dead serious, aren't you? '''Yeah! You think I'm kiddin' around, huh? ' I'm dead serious, too. I don't buy peacock meat, I'm a fuckin' beef house, for one. '''Well, what's your beef for me? Your beef with... you, is I don't like what you're doin'! And I don't...this isn't the way UPS works, so...you figure it out. 'You're not gonna be able to figure out what day it is, when I'm done with you. ' Okay, come on over. Category:Special delivery Category:Animals